sour feeling

first at all, this will be a sad post..

my life shud hav to be very happy since i gt nice friends, loyal bf and caring family.. i gt everything i wan.. bt still i felt i lost something.

i have no idea since when i have nt been serious in studies. i stil remembered the first sem in foundation, i was a gal who is interested in studies. everyday after reached home, for sure i will take my book out and start revising.. everytime during revision, i can pay full attention to it.. bt now no more, i was like forcing myself to focus reading.. i wonder if i hav lost interest in studying anymore? i was like giving up myself... no more confidence to me. nvr put much effort in doing anything. even group assignment. i wasnt serious on it.. sorry to tina.. sorry tht u gt such this group mate. ur actually gt bad luck to have a group mate lik me

i know i shud be lik this anymore.. i hav to decide to change my life.. i cant be so muddlehead anymore.. i cant be. i really cant.. i wan to get myself back .. aiks...hope thr is something to hold my spirit, reason for me to pursue everything. i jus dun wanna live like a dead person.. 

arggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. i did an unethical thing today ... if i was purely ethical, i wont find out something which is really broke my heart.. by the time i knw it, my nose felt "sour". . later thn starting to think much and persuading myself to think positively.. no matter hw hard i had tried to persuade myself, it doesnt work.. my mind is keeping towards negative side.. i knw i shud believe bt i jus couldnt make it.. wat shud i do.. pretend tht nothing has happened? i knw myself well tht i m nt de person who can hide feelling from anyone.. i like to speak my mind out..  i really dunno what shud i do .. shud i confront it?? aiks.. thing is nt easy as u thought..

i think i shud just sleep and let everything disappear frm my mind.. if only i could do tht.. hmmhmh...